What Do You Want?

Aquarian Answers Existential Helpdesk, this is Adrienne.

You don’t know what you want.

I have been known to say things like, “We have an instinctive knowing of our soul’s purpose, and the compass needle that points to it is our desire.” What excites you? What lights you up? What makes you curious? What would you joyfully do if all your duties and routines got cancelled indefinitely and you could do anything you wanted?

Most of us have no idea.

This is sad, but it’s also completely understandable, given what we were taught. We don’t know we were taught this because it seems like obvious common sense. This is the most dangerous kind of teaching, because we never think to question it. We were taught that if you want to accomplish a thing in the world, there are steps. The first step is the idea, the inspiration. The second step is a plan for how to go about it, and the third step is the effort we put in to execute the plan.

We think the problem is with the first step—that we never have any ideas. That’s what you’re calling about. That’s not the actual problem. The inspiration and ideas well up in us, naturally. The actual problem is with the second step, which rushes in so fast on the heels of the first step that we don’t realize it’s a separate thing. That is the question, “How could I accomplish that?”

Now, if an idea is truly creative, meaning that it would lead to the creation of something that hasn’t existed before, we won’t have any idea how to do it. It will require resources and opportunities that are not currently available to us. There will be no way to make a plan.

And because we dramatically misunderstand the creative process, we then conclude that our idea is impossible, we get discouraged, give up before we’ve even heard out our own idea, and then try to satisfy ourselves with something we do know how to do. Spoiler alert: settling is never satisfying.

Here’s how the creative process actually works. The essential nature of human beings is creative. We each came into human existence because we wanted to do, think, build, or feel something new that hasn’t existed in exactly that way before. But humans are not god-like solo creators. We are co-creators. If a solitary human set out to create a new human life, they’d get discouraged very quickly. Nothing would work. However, if you throw in the right kind of creative partner under the right conditions, it’s difficult to KEEP it from working.

We do not create anything else all by ourselves, either. Our creative partner is the Universe itself. And as with conceiving a child, conceiving a new creative project requires the right conditions. In both cases, the first essential spark is desire. Our desire leads us to produce the idea, the seed of the thing we want to create. The Universe gets excited by that desire, and supplies the opportunities and the resources to help that seed sprout into being. This is the “how.” And then, it’s up to us to put in the effort, the labor, to nurture our seedling until it can survive on its own.

If you think back over the biggest things that have happened for you in your life, you will invariably see that the opportunity that led to that thing came out of something you could never have orchestrated or planned. A chance meeting, a surprise invitation, a seemingly random remark, being in the right place at the right time. This was the Universe supplying the how to your what.

So the first step is the idea, the inspiration, that will naturally arise in you if you give yourself even a small amount of room to hear your own impulses.

The second step is not figure out a plan. It is, develop the idea and invite the Universe. Think about what makes a good invitation: The person doing the inviting is excited! They want you to be there! They give you enough information that you understand the vision and you know how to show up—what kind of attire, what to bring, where to be—but not so specific that you don’t get to show up in your own way. And the understanding is that you will create the experience together and it couldn’t happen without you. So no whining. No, “I want to do this thing but I bet you won’t do it with me.” Or worse yet, “I’ve had a shitty life so far, so you owe me something nice for a change!” No micromanaging. “I’m having a costume party and you have to wear exactly what I say.” But don’t be too vague, either. “It’s my birthday and I want to feel celebrated. You decide.” And make it fun! No, “I need you to clean out my cat-hoarding aunt’s house. Bring your hazmat suit.” And don’t pester. Once you’ve sent the invitation, trust you will hear back when the time is right and not before. In the meantime, clear space for what you want to have happen. If you’re inviting a new love, stop drunk-texting your ex. If you’re inviting a new job, don’t take on projects that will make it harder to leave your old one.

At some point—it could be later today, it could be next week, it could be six months from now—a door is going to open that didn’t exist before. That will be the how, the Universe responding to your invitation.

And step three is, walk through the door, if it’s still something you want. Show up, keep showing up, trust the process, enjoy the journey. It’s still up to you to make it happen, but if it’s on the path of your desire, the effort involved will be exactly what you want to be doing, and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

Because our desire, our excitement and curiosity and hope, are what attracts the Universe to help us with our ideas, it’s really important that we not stomp out the spark of our own desire as soon as it ignites. So if you want to know what you want: Create enough quiet—away from other people, your work, your screens—so you can actually hear your inner voice. It is probably pretty discouraged from years of being told its ideas are stupid and impractical, but if you are still alive, it is still trying to speak. And when it pipes up, for the love of Pete, don’t scoff, ridicule, or demand a plan complete with diagrams. Remember that the how is up to the creative partner who carries miracles in its pockets like spare change. All you have to do is stay friendly and curious, like you’re trying to lure a skittish animal, and ask your inner voice to tell you more, so you can craft a good invitation.

Absolutely. My pleasure. Bye bye.